My unHappy meal
Well, I have been basically ignored on twitter for the last year. As I shared about my mom, trying to raise money for a juicer for her…as she continued to deteriorate and even when she died. So I guess I figured that no one was reading my tweets and had no interest in anything I had to say.
Today I’m having a bad day. I miss my mom and I should have just closed everything down and just had a down day. Instead I was trying at some level to feel like I had accomplished something. As I am looking around facebook I see pic after pic of people eating fast food. Today is McHappy Day in support of Ronald McDonald House.
This might come as a surprise to many but I actually don’t hold judgement on what choices people make. It is always my intention to offer natural solutions if people ask but understand that we are all on a path and that people make choices. BUT….today, whether it was my emotions or just the sheer volume of reminders…I felt frustrated and posted this to my fan page:
The fact that kids eat McDonalds “food” is part of the reason their parents have to stay in the Ronald McDonald House…sad.
So after being ignored on twitter for almost a year, I have to say I was surprised that within minutes I had a response. And then a few more… The feeling was that I was being insensitive to parents having been in the Ronald McDonald House or that were there now. And that there is no evidence to support that fast food causes health concerns.
Here is what I would like to share…
The Good:
I do support the Ronald McDonald House. If we had not lived in the same city as the hospital Emma was treated, it’s likely we would have had to use it. I fully support resources that are supporting family caring for their children. And even if I don’t support the commercial company I can and would always support the intentions of this organization and organizations who are helping others.
I do understand that there are LOTS of parents who use Ronald McDonald house whose child has never eaten McDonalds or any fast food for that matter. My point was not that every. single. child. whose parent is being helped by Ronald McDonald House is there because of fast food.
As a friend pointed out to me, I did say “in part”, not placing all the blame on the shiny yellow arches. As a strong believer in mind/body/soul connection I know that there are many different reasons why anyone gets sick. Our food consumption is just one part of it and there are of course tons of people who eat take-out frequently that live very long lives.
Yes, I have given my children fast food. My statement was definitely not coming from a place of judgement. While under normal circumstances we avoid fast food as much as possible, our children have eaten it. Although I do so knowing that it’s a choice with possible consequences.
My intention is never to hurt, always to support and offer any positive knowledge I might have that can be helpful. I am a very nice person. Really.
The Bad:
I don’t support the masses going and buying their fast food Happy meals, many likely bringing their children with them in support of an organization that is meant to be supporting parents getting their children back to health. Those two things don’t mesh for me.
In the short conversations I had on twitter it seems that the objection was not about fast food not being healthy or it not having health consequences but that I was saying that some parents are using Ronald McDonald House because of fast food.
Insensitive. Misdirected. Hurtful.
Really?
I didn’t say that parents who choose fast food deserve to have sick children. I didn’t say they were bad parents. I didn’t say that every parent fed their children fast food every. single. day. I didn’t say that because they ate McDonalds they shouldn’t use Ronald McDonald House.
I think I was just saying a truth.
I don’t know how many countless shows I have seen where I am watching a story of a very sick child usually in hospital and they are holding a take-out cup of “drink”…I suppose I should not judge, I guess it’s possible that parents are bringing water or juice in old take out cups. :S Or they are eating ice cream or fries or a multitude of other food items that definitely would not be considered in the “whole foods” category. It’s seems obvious that many parents or even healthcare givers do not yet understand the value of food and how food affects health. And based on the comments I received, it seems that I’m not suppose to bring it up in order to not offend them or make them feel bad.
I don’t want anyone to feel bad. Feeling bad doesn’t move us forward to make better choices. Feeling bad doesn’t make things better for the next generation. I love this quote:
When you know better, you do better. ~Maya Angelou
I just want all of us to know better so that we can do better.
I lost a baby. I know how badly that feels, and in terms of situations, she didn’t suffer, she didn’t have ongoing physically debilitating symptoms due to treatments or medications. And I honestly can’t imagine how difficult it is to see your child going through that when I just went through it with my mom and she was an adult.
After Emma passed away there was no point in blame. She was gone and all we could hopefully do is learn and do better. I knew that I had eaten A LOT of take-out and I had drank pop during her pregnancy. Even though I didn’t know then all that I know now about health or even how bad those choices were, I intuitively knew those were not healthy choices. I knew that it was a possibility that it might have been a part of the cause of her heart defect. We still don’t know what the cause is, but I do know what is not good for me or my growing children, and I can control that – and I did in my next 4 pregnancies.
All that to say, I know how difficult it is when something bad is happening and there are no “reasons”. I know how easy it is to blame yourself as a parent. I know all those feelings. My feeling is that we do best by our children when we stay open to knowing better so that we can do better for the future, even if they are not in it.
My intention:
I want anyone who was hurt, offended or put off by my comment to know that I will consider my words more carefully in the future as I honestly only want to offer new perspectives, new ideas and support.
I will continue to advocate for whole food and encourage parents to make healthier choices for their children so that we have less sick children and less parents who need to use the Ronald McDonald House.
I will continue to believe that when we know better, we will do better.
Peace and love. ~S.
life after death
We have entered a new phase I have started calling – life after death.
At this very moment I can’t say I like it very much. It hurts, it’s confusing and it’s pushing me to places that hurt and are confusing within myself. It feels like the grieving process should be be a softer, easier process. I don’t deny that it could just be me and maybe I’m just doing it badly, that wouldn’t surprise me at all.
It took a week to really wrap my head around the idea that I would never see, touch, hear or experience her again in this world. As I felt the lack of her Life energy in our space I knew she was gone, could feel the physical void but still couldn’t let my mind go to that forever place. Now, the denial of the foreverness of it is slowly going away. It seems that days feel longer and time is somewhat abstract.
So as I walk away from this disbelief that this is my new reality – I walk into a mixture of sadness and anger.
Everything it seems holds a level of sadness. The more happy the experience or moment the more sad I feel. I refuse to block out happiness so I confusingly walk forward – doing my best to pretend to show what I want to feel. Yesterday the kids came home from a sleepover at my aunts house and I had to catch myself before I said “you guys should call Nana and tell her about it…” and the sadness set in once again.
I have to say it makes me angry. As sadness seems to consume everything, anger holds it hand. I don’t like feeling angry and the fact that I do makes me sad. What an emotional mess.
My mom was increasingly sick over the course of a year. Our lives didn’t just unexpectedly change March 31st. But you can change a lot of things and they still look and feel the same. What I seem to be dealing with now is not only the loss of the physicalness of my mother – but all the gifts she gave as a mother.
As I move forward I can logically look and see that she gave me all the strength and skills I need to live out my life and be the best I can be. I don’t doubt my ability to create a life I will be proud of. Emotionally though, I’m scared and I’ve never felt so alone. Really alone. I’ve lost my person. The person on this planet that was my home and I’ve lost the feeling that I have a home. That place where no matter what, when or why – if needed the heart door is open. I don’t know that everyone grows up with that – but I did and I miss that feeling.
Everytime I find myself alone, looking out into the vast place of possibilities. I realize that this is the new terrain I have to learn to walk and right now I really don’t like it. I can tell you I definitely don’t have the right shoes! *smerk*
I’m mad at her for not doing the work to get better. I’m mad that she wanted to stay but that request was denied. I’m mad that she offered us goodness and love – and so many others that seemingly don’t, get to stay. I’m mad that it feels like everyone else has their person and I’m left here alone. I’m just really pissed at the whole thing.
I trust in Life and so I choose to feel all this knowing that eventually I won’t anymore or that I’ll see it differently or it will change. That Life will reveal the reasons, fill me and my life with the experiences and people that will create a life in this present barren land of possibilities I look out on.
My heart physically hurts I miss her so much. The way she said my name. Her love for my children. My heart home. Today the memory of those things is not a comfort and there are moments when it feels too much to bare. And then I’ll hear her scolding me “for goodness sake Shanta, don’t you know where I am – it’s awesome…and I’m still here.” I hear her “don’t regret – live life” and then “I miss you too.”
I’m sad. I’m angry. I just want her to be here with me, in body…not in spirit.
But she’s not. And she won’t be. Ever.
I pursue the future. I choose happiness even when I don’t feel like it and I trust Life – because that is the example she set for us and what she wanted for all us during her life, so I know it’s what she wants in death.
I wish I could do this with more grace, more peacefulness. I wish I didn’t feel like a tantruming child not willing to accept the plight of growing up.
No matter what I wish. This is living life after death.
NOTE: I often hand write my blog on paper and transcribe it, thoughts just flow better for me. The night I wrote this I had my first dream about my mom since she passed. I might share it in a future blog but wanted to share that it seems some of my feelings of anger have subsided since the dream. I will share that she didn’t say the words but in my mom’s way she let me know that it is good there but she’s annoyed too that she didn’t get to stay and that she misses us. ~S.
Oprah
I am an Oprah fan. I have to admit I don’t like the wordd “fan” as it somehow feels flighty but for simplicity sake we’ll just use it. I’m a big fan…I’ve watched her faithfully for at least 10 years and think I was in highschool when I started to catch her show here and there…so we are talking likely 20 or so years. This is the story for a lot of people – hence her success.
I can also tell you now that one of the only reasons we pay for cable is so that I can watch Oprah’s new network OWN. When her show ended last year it seemed almost unbelievable to me that I wouldn’t get to see her everyday like I had for over 10 years. I figured that whatever was on the network would be as close to watching her as possible. Well, it’s almost better as she has a few different shows on – so thanks to my PVR I can still watch and listen to her at 4pm when I am making dinner.
At the end of the 2010 season when she announced that the next year would be her last season, you would think that a huge fan like me would have started writing emails, writing blogs in hopes of getting some attention as one of her biggest fans or even just calling to try and get tickets. But what did I do? Nothing. I really don’t like the whole “I’m your biggest fan” stuff and decided that there are bigger fans than me in terms of what they’ll do to get on the show…I can’t say that I’ve read every one of her Oprah book club selections, I’m not a monthly subscriber to her magazine…while I had numerous ‘aha’ moments none of them seemed worthy of a film crew…big fan but I didn’t feel I fit the profile of ‘the biggest fan’.
The first show of the season she gave her audience a trip to Australia and I have to say that I just sat there in disbelief. My thought was “I was suppose to be in that audience” and even my mom who was watching said “You should have been there…I should have written in…you were suppose to be there”. Here is a woman I admire and can honestly say I love and one of the places on my bucket list to go is Australia….the only reason I wasn’t going was because I didn’t believe, so I didn’t even try.
You would think that that might have got me into action for the next biggest show, the finale shows….but no. After watching again for a whole season, I did nothing, never believing I could qualify without some big fanfare. Ugh…thinking about it just makes me cringe. Once again I sat there and watched her two big finale shows with a stadium filled with people who love her – and I wasn’t there….and it felt bad.
The season was over and I could only hope I would learn the lesson if there was ever a different opportunity.
Well….lucky me.
At the end of February I happen to see someone post about Oprah coming to Toronto. I jumped onto the OWN canada facebook page and there it was all shiny and blinking with neon lights. I decided in that moment that no matter what, no matter if I got the worse seats in house I was going. I was going to be in the same room as this woman who has helped shape so many of my understandings.
But, let’s not forget who we are talking about here…it’s me. The girl who likes what she likes and has been known to pout when she doesn’t get it. I very much know what I want. I decided that Emerald tickets were not realistic for us priced around $450 each so the next level, Executive, seemed like a reasonable intention. We like the theater and have paid over $200 a ticket to go and see a show. This is Oprah so there is no question $200+ is worth it!!
I wasn’t able to purchase the tickets the day they were released so I popped awake the next morning ready to buy two shiny Executive tickets. No big surprise when I got to the page, my tickets were sold out. The only tickets available were General seating. Umph. NOT what I wanted but I promised myself I would not not be there. So I bought two General tickets and decided that I would do my best to be at the front of the General section which is the back of the Executive section…the games I play with myself to get through.
I decided to not settle and I posted on the OWN board that if anyone ended up with tickets they couldn’t use in the Executive area to let me know. Low and behold an hour later I get an email from a fellow Stella & Dot stylist who said she had bought a ticket but couldn’t make it…WOW!! I got my ticket!! I am able to give my General ticket to a friend who will sit with Craig and everyone seems happy. How could it get any better…
When they sent the confirmation for the ticket, they also sent a questionnaire to fill out that would allow them to follow up with stories they felt would help the show. It asked questions about struggles you feel you have or have had in the past and other similar questions…I know that I didn’t answer all of them and the ones I did were not very thought filled or inspirational and I was doing this after the deadline. Some of them I didn’t even answer with a full sentence. As I pressed send I thought to myself “why even bother…”. I can only say that I felt I should so I did, even if it wasn’t my best. If filling it out somehow would make me a part of the group in some way during the event then I filled it out but I didn’t have the energy or time to fill it out in hopes of getting noticed in anyway to be a bigger part of the show.
April 7th, we pay tribute to my mom’s life and have her memorial. 11pm I climb into the car and check my phone for emails. I get an online order – nice! and….an email from Harpo. I read it and just start laughing. I say to Craig “she has something to do with this..” she, being my mom of course. I read it over and over again trying to decide if this is for real or what…how is this even possible with the terrible questionnaire I sent in…nothing makes sense. Regardless I decide to go with it and write back with additional information about my story…not really knowing what story that is… *smerk*
I send it in Monday and this is what I wrote:
Hello,
I’ll start off by saying that my mom whom I was very close to passed away 8 days ago. We found out in October 2011 that she had stage 4 colon cancer and she passed away March 31st.
We both admired and respected Oprah and she did know I was going to the taping of the show and under other circumstances likely would be going together. And April 16th – the date of the taping I will be attending is her b-day.
I received this email after her memorial.What I know is this…I am meant for greatness. If I share this with anyone I’ll sometimes say “like Oprah great”…yet for some reason it seems that one way or another I end up stopping success in my tracks or in the end sabotaging opportunities.
I know who I am, I love who I am at my core but sometimes, oftentimes seem to have a difficult time just being myself around others. I have a blog: www.naturalmomlovesprada.com and will often find myself censoring what I am going to write and that is a part of me I don’t think I even understand other than having a high dislike for confrontation and doing my best to offer inspiration and positivity.
I know I am moving in the right direction but as I have had to watch my mom deteriorate physically and have time to contemplate her life, I want to avoid making some of the mistakes she made and learn how to be authentic 100% of the time and live outside of fear so that I can fully realize whatever it is life has waiting for me.
I’ve walked on fire. I’ve spoken to a group of 2000 women after only being in a company for 6 months (http://youtu.be/39dOYamGpaE) and the person who asked me to give this testimonial didn’t even know my story…she asked me because she liked my hair! And I have had several other experiences like this…I know I can do anything and that anything is possible for me. I also know that I am missing some pieces but I can’t seem to figure out which one are missing or what exactly to change. So, would be happy to consider any advice or guidance from any of the experts – I’ve always felt it and now more than ever I’m ready to be all that I am meant to be and have all I am meant to have!
The next day I get an email that she would like to call me and could I send my number. WHAT??? This is too crazy… but I guess I like crazy so I send my number and shortly after I receive a call.
The woman is very nice and I just keep thinking “I’m talking to someone from Harpo…I’m talking to someone from Harpo!” She is very sweet and gives me condolences for the passing of my mom and then says she just wants to ask me a few questions and it starts off ok…
Her: So did you watch last season or this season of Oprah’s LifeClass?
Me: Yes, I watched last season and loved them so much they are still on my PVR but haven’t had time to watch this season because of my mom’s condition.
Her: Ok, so why did you decide to watch Oprah’s LifeClass?
Ok, so this is where things start to go downhill from my point of view. I’m so confused by the question that I almost laugh but realize thankfully before I do that it’s rude. So I start rambling “well…I just love Oprah and was very sad when her show ended so will just watch anything she does…”
Her: ok….so was there one LifeClass that really spoke to you or resonated with you?
Me: rambling…rambling…rambling…stuff about confidence and being authentic…in the end saying that they were all great and that honestly I couldn’t really remember
Her: ok……….so is there any question that you would want to ask any of our experts?
Me: more rambling…sweating…rambling…saying something about wanting how I feel inside to match with what I am projecting outside…and I say “because even right now, I feel one way inside but I don’t feel I am communicating that very well to you”…
Her: mmm hmmm
Her: Ok, well I think those are all the questions I have for you today, thanks for your time and if I have any other questions I’ll let you know – have a great time at the show!
UMPH.
I walk downstairs where Craig and my aunt are waiting to hear all about this exciting conversation. I just look at them and say “that was bad, very very bad.” I give them the quick let down and say “well that was exciting for 5 minutes”. I’ve posted it on facebook so now I have to go and let everyone who is cheering me on down…not exactly what I had envisioned as my “Oprah moment”.
Craig is convinced they are going to call back and I just keep telling him that he wasn’t there and doesn’t realize how bad it was, while he keeps trying to convince me that I am a good communicator and they will call. I just try and ignore him – I’m feeling sad about my mom and honestly it was exciting to feel like I might be apart of the show or get to actually talk to Oprah…so I’m feeling down on myself. I keep thinking “you blew it, there was an opportunity and you blew it”.
Ring, Ring….I look at the number on my cell and there is an IL above the number which means Illinois…which means Chicago….which means…..Oprah!! Ok, well I knew it wasn’t Oprah herself but someone from Harpo. I answer:
M: Hi, I’m following up from a call you did yesterday with B. Is this a good time for us to talk?
o.m.g. O.m.g. O.M.G.O.M.G.!!!!!!! As Oprah would say but I actually sometimes say it too “this is the craziest ass thing…” WHAT, is going on? Honestly I feel like I am living in some alternate universe – none of this is making any sense. Me and this producer talk for close to an hour where I feel I am expressing myself better than I did the day prior but tend to start rambling…then I ramble so long I actually figure some stuff out and thank her for letting me process my “stuff” with her and we figure out if there is a question about forgiveness that I can ask the Life Class experts. She feels we have hit on something and tells me she will get back to me.
She calls the next day and says that the producers like my question and want me to make a video question. If possible that same day. All of a sudden I start to worry. There is no one to watch the kids, I have to figure out what I am going to say and figure out how I am going to record it – of course I want it to be perfect. What I want is for Craig to come home and help me – which he can’t do as it’s his first day back since my mom passed. I’m upset and fear has set in…as the information she sends to me states “potentially millions of people will see this…”
I shut down. This is really putting myself out there and I feel alone. I just want my mom to be here with me, to help me, to cheer me on, to remind me that I can do this. I go for a shower and then instead of getting dressed for my shoot, I have a nap. I am really shut down. As I drift off to napland I think “I’ll just email her and tell her I can’t do it…”
I wake up and while they are more dull the same feelings are there. I decide that there is a reason I have been asked to do this and if nothing else I will at least try. I practice my little ditty and get dressed. I get the camera set up and….I did it. It took about 40 takes but…I did it. I send it in and she likes it and says that they may or may not use it….everyone including me will have to wait and see.
The next day I get another email from someone else at Harpo that my tickets have been upgraded to Emerald seating for me and my whole party. I sit and read the email over and over and tears fall. I feel very much a strong energy presence – somehow I can feel or know that my mom is somehow a part of this ongoing mystery. Here I am realizing that I will get to sit in the most prized seats of the house and be that much closer to this woman I have admired for so long, my ‘Maya Angelou’. It’s hard to not want my mom here to share in this moment. Tears of happiness, sadness and tears of feeling overwhelmed with gratitude all mixed in together as I digest what is happening.
I have to be honest that I don’t know why all this is happening. I don’t understand it. What I do know is that a year ago I had opportunity to believe and I didn’t. I didn’t risk the disappointment. This time around, I believed. I won’t say I believed strongly, but I believed. I learned a lot in the last week and maybe that is all it was meant to do, teach me a few more lessons….I don’t know, we can only wait to see what happens at the show.
I’m proud of myself. That’s not very easy for me to say when there were so many moments where I didn’t feel my best. But at any time I could have thrown in the towel, I could have passed up opportunity again…but I didn’t.
Oprah’s favorite color is green and one of her favorite movies Wizard of Oz and the line “You always had the power within you” – so today as I went to pick up my Emerald tickets I thought about how many different things, most of which I have no knowledge of, had to happen for me to be here today. But, ultimately I’m the key to my Life and today for believing and pushing myself past fear, past sadness, past a lot of my hang ups…I got an Emerald reward from Oprah.
cancer lesson – hope
Words. Powerful when used for good. Just as powerful when used unconsciously. They help to create our lives.
This experience has redefined many words for me. I suppose just as a person, the more experience you have the more depth you have to share, and so I have found with words. The greater the experiences, the more depth these words have and I have a greater and greater understanding how truly powerful each one has beyond just being used to express my experience.
Hope. A word I have heard so many times in the last 4 months that it had started to lose any meaning for me.
In the last few weeks as my mother’s condition fluctuates from not great to really not great back up to not great…I have used this word, hope, a lot. I use it to help people feel at ease. Death is uncomfortable for a lot of people and so when you throw in the word hope into the conversation you can see their body relax because for the moment we have turned away from the elephant in the room. And while I speak in socially acceptable terms to help others feel better about my seemingly unfortunate situation…the word hope has found new meaning for me.
When I say “things are not great right now but I of course hold hope“…that is true, I still hold on to hope. The hope I feel within goes beyond life or death. It goes beyond what cures and what doesn’t. While I believe in miracles and believe my mom deserves one, I would feel that hope is wasted on such thoughts.
When I say “I still hold hope” – it’s not hope in the outcome of living but hope in ourselves. Everyday I wake up with the hope that we will use this time with wisdom and grace, and not waste it. I hold hope that we will each push ourselves out of what is comfortable and see how and what this experience is meant to teach each of us. I hold a deep hope that if we keep believing in doing ‘one small thing’, it will matter. I hope that we feel our strength and never doubt ourselves and what we are capable of. I hold a deep hope that we never forget that our choices result in consequences, sometimes ones that seem unfair. My heart burns with hope that as we see a body get weaker, that we never forget it’s power to heal itself.
I sometimes think we use the word hope to really confess our doubt.
I don’t hope that my mom could get better, I know it’s possible. What I don’t know is if it’s possible for her with her abilities and limitations. Natural wellness is not a popular choice for a reason. It requires us to be patient, tolerant and disciplined. When you are dealing with rogue cells that are dividing by the millions everyday…drinking juices, taking supplements, eating the same foods day in and day out…it could sound easy, it’s not. Do I hope that my mom will push herself to be the best she can be, yes. Do I hope that she will makes the changes physically, emotionally and mentally to achieve wellness, yes. I am hopeful everyday that ‘one small thing’ will be enough. I hope for her the exact same things I hope for us because all those touched by this experience are meant to learn something, be something and reach for something new. It is now my deepest hope that each of us learn it, be it and reach for it without fear.
I don’t want this to be the end of this story. But, I hold on to hope that if that is what the next chapter is…that I have held on tight enough to accept it and read the words with wisdom, grace and, hope.
Fabulous February!
Happy February!
Can you believe that January is over and we are already in the love month of February. Well I hope you get something special from the person who loves you most in the world….but if this year happens to not be their year – don’t worry ladies (and gents), I’m here to help!
Lots of exciting things happening this month, let’s get started!
TO GIVE OR TO KEEP:
Whether you are shopping for yourself or for someone special in your life we have set up shop for you! Our beautiful delicates are just the right price point for after holiday shopping and each is specially named to remind your loved one how very special they are to you not only this month but every month this year.
HANDBAGS:
Expanding on our already popular Waverly Cross Body bag (the best handbag to run Saturday errands!) we are now offering it in a beautiful dove brown color.
25% OFF THIS MONTH
La Coco Rope - Black
Heiress Hoops - Hermatite
Nouvelle Ring
Midnight Bloom Ring
RETAIL THERAPY:
From February 1st to February 9th – if you need a bit of retail therapy to beat the winter blues take a browse on the site and when you spend $125 or more you get the double pave bar necklace for FREE! Perfect as a gift or just to finish your own personal look. Add the double pave necklace to your cart and it will be adjusted at checkout!
NEW STYLIST PROMOTION:
Stylists come in all shapes and sizes and we all have our own reasons why we started with Stella & Dot. Here are the most popular types of stylists:
- Friends & Family Stylist: Sells to her friends and family and enjoys the uber awesome discounts as a stylist to purchase her own jewels.
- Short term Stylist: You are taking this opportunity to save for a family vacation, pay off debt or saving for a down payment…when the goal is reached you have the choice to close the doors but keep the jewels!
- Hobby Stylist: Loves women and jewels and the trunk show experience. She decides what days and months she wants to work and earns some extra money at the same time!
- Part-time Stylist: Wants to earn a consistent income from her business every month. She still does as many or as few trunk shows as she wants but this stylist can see how working a few extra nights a month makes a difference!
- Business Building Stylist: Views Stella & Dot as a viable business opportunity and pursues team management and aims to move up the career ladder.
If you flip through the pages of our lookbook and would love to have all those jewels to choose from every morning – we should do coffee so we can talk about if or how Stella & Dot could fit into your life plan. As I say – it’s a sparkle of opportunity and possibility!
As a new stylist joining our team this month you receive the brand new Nahla neckalce in your starter kit – which is an additional $74 over the $350 free jewel credit you receive as part of your start up. This is one of my favorite necklaces and will be a must have for many this summer.
If you are on facebook – like me! Keep checking back as I start to post some styling tips with our new spring jewels that are all the rave!
Be fabulous this February!
Shanta
cancer lesson – no regrets
I have not posted a cancer lesson in quite some time – mainly because of time or a lack there of it.
My mother’s health took a downturn during the holidays. Due to the holidays I think we all just wanted to downplay it and try and make it the nicest time we could. But on January 2nd there was no ignoring it and she arrived at the ER by ambulance. It turned out that the tumor in her colon was now completely blocked and the only solution was surgery as she could no longer consume any food or drink.
I’ve been asked a lot in recent months why I am spending so much time with my mom – some days at her side for hours and hours on end. There is concern from those who care about me and my family that I am doing too much or that I will burn out. I don’t always know how to respond because some days I feel the same but self preservation is still fairly high on the list of my personal priorities so I try not to worry about it.
Today our country got the sad news of Sarah Burke, one of our country’s female athletes was injured and died from a training accident. Only 29 years old. Feels tragic. Feels like waste of so much life and opportunity. Feels like a wake up call.
My mom is sick. Very sick. And while I hold to faith in forces and things I cannot see – there are no guarantees at the end of this journey. Do I hope for more time – of course. But the truth is that this illness could be what takes her slowly, or a twist of fate that no one was expecting could be what ends her journey, or any of ours for that matter. One of the last mysteries we have is that of our last day on this planet.
I don’t sit in fear that I will not have done enough. I do what I feel is right for me first, then her and for the moment. I don’t feel I have all the answers but use every ounce of intuitive energy to move us forward. I do what I would want done for me. Companionship, compassion and honesty. I don’t fear that she doubts my love for her but actions will always speak louder than words. Sometimes finding the right words to express those deep feelings about life and death can be difficult for me to say and for her to hear – so I sit with her and hold her hand just letting the energy flow into her and sometimes I cry, so she knows I’m still just her little girl.
There is nothing perfect in this world. I know that I will look back on this part of my life and see so many things I could have done differently. But I know without a doubt I will have few to any regrets. I know am loving her with all the love I have within. So while there will be imperfections and mistakes made, I will hopefully be able to look at those moments with eyes of learning and see where new lessons lay. Love is a powerful force and I trust it. I am doing what I am doing because it’s what my love tells me to do and because of that, I trust this journey will end with no regrets.
Defining Super Star
A year ago today my life changed. All the pieces did not and have not fallen into place BUT I finally have all the pieces to start putting the puzzle back together. Just like that burst of wonder that you feel as you watch Planet Earth when the buds push through the ground or the petals starts to open on a new bud – a new energy filled both me and my life.
Becoming a Stella & Dot stylist was really about me getting some quick retail therapy – who doesn’t like to get $450 of anything for $200?! And having the option of purchasing at a discount gave myself permission to get some jewels that I would normally consider outside of my price range. We are in debt, we have 4 children and really where do I go to wear jewels like that? I basically had to trick myself into wearing what I felt I deserved and genuinely loved.
I didn’t start this journey with a super star plan. I knew that there was super star possibility but I entered with only a few toes in the water. A bit to my surprise my friends loved it too and were more than happy to get their friends together…hhhmmm, I’ve done this before and not gotten this kind of response…interesting.
I was hesitant to jump in full on because I know myself REALLY well. Perhaps a downfall but I know ALL of my hang ups. One of the biggest is my fear of selling. My first few trunk shows I knew I blew it – I didn’t feel comfortable styling people, I didn’t want to share the opportunity or really say anything…ugh, I just cringe thinking about it. But thankfully for me there was a saving grace…the jewels. They sold themselves and I would get one or two glimmers of hope when someone really liked my suggestions or we just clicked. I would go home having made $35/hr and thought…ok…I’ll try again.
And I did try again. And again and again. I would give myself a new task at every new trunk show. “Tonight you are going to style everyone who comes in…” or “Tonight you are going to ask everyone if they might like to host their own trunk show…” and, I got better. I started making $100/hr and that ladies and gents is motivating to push yourself to find yourself and “your way” as they say in our biz.
I was offered a great opportunity to share a testimonial at our national convention. I believe that the Universe was reaching out to me in a very special way. There are many, many very special women in the Stella & Dot family – I’ll never know why I was chosen for that day – but I am so glad I was. Every single part of it from writing the speech to practicing for months to delivery day…had an impact on how I saw myself and in the end realizing that we are more the same than different.
One thing I said in the speech was that next year at this same time of national convention that I would come back as a “uber awesome Star Stylist”. A star stylist is a level you reach after you grow a team and hit a certain amount of volume. And that goal is/was a very doable goal – people do it in a month sometimes…but for the moment, this is me we are talking about and remember those hang ups…yeah, I thought a year would be generous.
I’ve been thinking about that uber awesome star stylist. I’ve been thinking about my belief that I could one day be a super start at my biz…or….that maybe I am one already and I’m still just me a stylist. This is what I think…
I think super stars follow their instincts even when they don’t make total sense. I am.
I think super stars create lives that allow them freedom to experience life on their terms. I am.
I think super stars sometimes have to sacrifice personal and business goals to deal with more important life matters. I am.
I think super stars keep going even when Life seems confusing and difficult. I am.
I think that super stars know that success is a feeling, not a destination of status or money. I do.
I think super stars BELIEVE. I do.
This past year was filled with so many highs and revelations and I am so thankful I could be open to receive the opportunity. I have no doubt that I am moving in the exact timeline I need for today and what will come. I know that this coming year will be overwhelmed with physical, mental and emotional challenges as we continue our journey supporting my mother. I need to accept my limitations and trust Life. This is not the time to be all things to all people. This is not the time to be booking my calendar full when at any moment I might need to be at her side. And while that doesn’t pay the bills, it does make me a super star in this moment.
Will I be doing trunk shows? YES!! Will I still be striving for Star Stylist? YES!! Will I continue to do everything I can to move forward and achieve my dreams? YES! There are great, GREAT things waiting for me – just watch and see!
Signing off… Super Star. xo
freedom
At the beginning of each year I seem to get a clear indication of what my theme for that year will be. January 2010 it was a huge emotional purge that started with a full body break out of hives. Once the hives were gone, I cried and cried AND cried and then it was December. January 2011 I went out and bought a bra and decided I needed to accessorize so I bought a necklace…or two. 
It was a year of transformation back to my authentic self. This year the message took a bit longer to come in as I have been sitting in a hospital room with my mom since the 2nd day of January. But Life has a great way of making itself known.
As I sit quietly at my mom’s beside as she sleeps. Or as I do my best to calm my mind as I try to go to sleep. As I have looked at my children the last few weeks. As I look to the future. The message, the word that ends every thought, every vision, every hope and prayer is – freedom.
2012 is about being free and holding the freedom key in my hand whether that be financial, emotional or personal freedom.
Yesterday as I made this grand declaration on facebook and got several “likes”,it felt inspirational and motivating. Today, in this moment, it feels scary and sad. I thought freedom was something that was going to happen to me, but almost as shocking as an unexpected slap in the face, I just learned it’s a choice, one that comes with a price. Already I can understand why more don’t choose it.
I will admit that I am being very cautious about what I am about to share because I honestly have no idea what the future holds. I will say that Craig and I have had a very serious discussion and we know that for both of our happiness we need to make some very difficult, or perhaps not so difficult decisions. This is actually very heartbreaking for both of us as we have cried in each other arms tonight. We love each other deeply. We love our family and our lives together beyond words. And most would think that that would be enough. It might be one day, but we both know that’s it not right now. We have both been hurting in one area of our relationship and it’s time to be free from hurt, sadness and anger.
Tonight as we slowly came to realization and conclusion that we need to make serious changes to our relationship. There was a moment of feeling relief. Knowing that in the near future I would be free from the negative feelings that have weighed me down for so long. Thankful that I could rid myself of guilt and he could walk away from anger. It was almost like when you open the door on a cool crisp morning but you are still standing in the the warmth of your home. An awakening.
But, as I sit here contemplating the possible future, my heart aches. It aches for the price we will have to pay for our freedom. It’s my hope that the price is minimal and that we can minimize the effects on all of us…that it doesn’t hurt as much as I am anticipating but my logical mind can’t believe it. Not to be dramatic, but it feels like the dream is over…and I’m sad.
I am sad, I am scared and I really have no idea what decisions we will make or what changes to our family will happen. What I do know is that regardless of how sad we are or how difficult it is to find the solutions that work for us and our family, we deserve a love that doesn’t hurt and the freedom to find happiness.
I have a dream…freedom.
