Last night I sat with millions of others as the much anticipated episode of Jon and Kate plus 8 aired with “the big announcement”. I felt that regardless of what “it” was, it would be no surprise to me. They have done a good job of keeping the reality in reality tv as we’ve seen the relationship deteriorate at a fast pace. I went to bed feeling sad for Kate, annoyed at Jon and of course wondering how this show/divorce and what may come will affect the children that have become like “the kids next door”.
This morning with a bit light peeking in from between my window coverings, I opened my eyes and they focused on my beautiful baby sleeping across from me. I thought again about the sad family from tv and felt so much gratitude for my family, all my children and remembered a time when I never thought I could hold such an overwhelming amount of happiness in my heart. There was a time when I thought I would be a single mom to one child…
Craig and I were somewhat thrust together. We met in July of 1999 and we were married in December of 1999. Yes, I said met…it wasn’t “love at first sight” for me anyway and so from the time we actually started dating till we married was maybe 4 months. Is it a course of action I would recommend, no. An unexpected pregnancy, poor no budgeting skills that left us scrambling and fighting before every paycheck and not knowing each other as most couples do when they are about to have a baby was not a recipe for relationship success. Then only 6 months into being married, trying to be excited about this new baby we had not planned for, we lose our baby…it didn’t really seem that this union was meant to be…
By 2002 our relationship was so stressed that I knew there were very few options. I could stay and keep our family of three together or leave and do the best to ensure that Cameron still got the best of both his parents. Craig and I rarely said anything in a loving way and almost every interaction was a negative one. It was a sad time. We couldn’t afford to separate into different homes so until we decided whether to take the next step and divorce we agreed to some conditions and unofficially separated in our home.
As Kate was speaking last night all the old thoughts and emotions I had from that time resurfaced. All the unknowns that I would have no control over, not wanting to be a single parent, the feeling of failing, knowing that I wanted to keep our “family” a unit even if Craig and I were not living together. There were no easy answers and there are no easy answers for Kate or Jon.
Thankfully I had a husband who truly loved me, even if he didn’t know how to fix all of his wrong doings and had to be patient for me to fix mine, he was willing to love “us” through it to the other side and I was willing to do the same. We continuously have to work at our marriage and there are times that I wonder “are we returning to that rocky path?” I don’t pretend that we have it all figured out and that we won’t ever see that path full of bumps and holes in the road, but I do have faith that if we do see it, we will be better equipped to hike it.
It’s a journey now. It’s a happily…ever after. There is always an “after” to all situations and thankfully for us, it has ended with happily. It didn’t happen over night, in days, weeks or months…it took years. As I looked at my sweet baby sleeping this morning I know that she wouldn’t be here if we had chosen to take the easy path. We would have missed out on three beautiful little girls and the personal growth that has made us better and stronger.
Do I think that there will be a happily ever after for Jon and Kate plus 8. Yes. Of course I do. They may not see it for weeks, months or years, but they are now venturing into the “after” of their journey and story…and they will one day see their happily…ever after.
You know what’s funny is that episode actually caused a fight between me and the huz. I don’t watch that show, but he (loving a train wreck) had it on when I took a break from baking, so I sat down to watch the plot unfold. He was really annoyed by the way Jon handled the situation, and has always been annoyed by Jon in general – he thinks he’s a “douche.” Well, he made one particular comment about Jon last night that prompted me to say “Oh yeah? Well that’s totally something YOU would do!” and the argument ensues.
I swear TLC won’t be happy until they break up every marriage in America!
ha ha ha – the hubster and I got into a fight after Jon and Kate as well…. hubby says Jon screwed over a lot of guys last night
Sad for them as well. I guess money can’t buy you happiness.
Oh my gosh is does sound like TLC is going to break up every marriage in NORTH AMERICA!! LOL
Last night might have been my last time watching…don’t think I can stomach much more…we’ll see.
I didn’t even stomach last night
My DH wanted to, and I said that we knew what they were going to say, and did we want to be a part of that. I feel badly that my watching added to the ratings that dragged this marriage through the dirt… Families of multiples are already at a disadvantage statistically speaking, and having your life broadcast would not improve those odds…
I have often felt irritated at Kate for the way that she spoke to and treated Jon – even when things were good… Lately it has been obvious that Jon was not happy being a stay-at-home Dad, but her career trumped what was good for her family.
After the pieces that I saw from last night I realised that Kate is a broken woman, and Jon was being a jerk. He seemed happy about the solution. That disappointed me.
I appreciate you sharing your story, Shanta. Most of us have had bumps, but not had to face the reality of what we would do in that situation. Through a lack of options you guys worked through and resolved the issues you had, and I am not sure that if divorce was an option that it would have happened the same way. It is not a comfortable thing to go through – living together, working through the hurts, but if you don’t there is never healing – just ugly scars…
@dreamom – I don’t really believe that the show was the problem, I think it was a shift in priorities – it seems that “I do everything for my kids” is really “everything I do to make money is for my kids” and obviously there is more to life than money (good thing or I would be miserable hee hee)!
Craig and I are fortunate, but I don’t think we are special. Even with only one child, we both wanted him to have a together family, not just two parents who loved him. We could have gotten divorced but many other things would have happened first like a real separation, counseling…someone else would have had to tell me “this person is never going to change” before I would have walked away.
And I totally agree, walking away without any kind of resolution would just leave horrible residual feelings and as you say..scars. sigh.
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Cheers! Sandra. R.