Oh my goodness, it seems like I have been away on vacation…but don’t be fooled – I’m just trying to juggle all the new things happening right now.
The kids are involved in more activities, I am starting to work (yipee – definitely not whining about that), am doing everything I can to get my website up and running, am still reading feverishly so that my doula certification can go a bit faster when I get started…all this in midst of trying to get some kind of educational thoughts and material into my kids brains, meals, cleaning and keeping all things in balance. I wouldn’t say I’m stressed because most of what I am doing, I am loving. I would say that I am on high alert and that a few of the lower priority balls I’ve been juggling have fallen to the ground…my little blog being one of them.
I guess one good thing about starting up my doula website is that all my birth junkie stuff will now be posted there – so for the majority of the people reading this that are not pregnant – hopefully more interesting info is on the horizon for you and for those of you who do like that info just click over to P.U.S.H. blog.
I was presented with a proposal this past week. A bigger than life proposal – well for me anyway…little stay at home mom with big doula dreams. I would say that the discussions are quite preliminary so I don’t want to say too much about the project at this time. What I do want to share is how even after we grow up and good things are happening – there is still that voice. The voice that, for some of us anyway started after the age of 7ish when we realized that other people had “better” things then we did, could do more things than we did, or the opposite, where you realize that your neighbor Suzy never gets a new bike and someone tells you at school that Jimmy is not cool. It’s just that voice that keeps asking “If they are…am I ‘fill in the blank’? or “If they’re not – am I ‘fill in the blank?’ – ANYWAY, you get the point…
For the last few days these types of thoughts have flooded my head as I try to determine if this is a good opportunity for me. “Am I good enough, do I know enough, can I juggle something else, who will take me seriously, why me?” I know that it’s just a voice, any reservations I have are my made up insecurities, not reality. But as I sit trying to process the magnitude of the project and if it’s the right step for me, I also am trying to quiet, ignore or figure out if that voice is telling something…ugh…I make myself tired.
I will try and pick up my dropped blog ball a bit more than I have in the last few weeks but this girl has big doula dreams – a girls gotta do, what a girls gotta do.
