Natural Mom Loves Prada

In a few days the year 2009 will come to a close and in the next breath 2010 will be speeding away with all it’s planned and unknown adventures. It’s a time I look forward to every year. I like to see the personal goals I have met or am positively moving toward and I continue to look for the areas that I can improve. While I take time to reflect, review and revise periodically during the year – this time of the year is filled with such hope and promise. Perhaps we feel like anything we wish for ourselves is possible just coming out of the the biggest “wish making” day of the year. Whatever the reason, here are some of my thoughts looking back at 2009 for a moment and my desires for 2010.

Some of the firsts of 2009:

• bought a moby wrap
• started Natural Mom Loves Prada blog
• joined Twitter
• first passport
• first time to see the White House

I joined Twitter and started the blog – for fun. I never expected either to be a major piece in coming to terms with my parenting style and philosophies. I started the blog to give myself a place to express my thoughts. I didn’t really understand the monster that has become the blog world so it has not really moved forward like I first envisioned – but that’s part of the journey. I like having a place where I can express myself – share thoughts and ideas and hopefully I spur some thoughts in others as they have done for me.
I have struggled for years with the need to be a perfect parent, knowing full well that I am so far from perfect that I sometimes feel that I can’t even see the light at the end of the proverbial perfect tunnel. I’ve struggled to understand how it seemed that all of my natural mom friends have exactly the same instincts – but not me. Looking back 8 years, if I had followed my instincts, many of my struggles would have been lessened and so too the stress on me and my kids – but I trusted others instead of myself.

After I joined twitter, having no idea how it worked, I immediately started getting followers – most of whom were natural parenting parents. I thought to myself “Great! – we’ll have so much in common”…and while we do have many things in common – the same struggles surfaced. Their strong opinions and comments made me question myself (again) and I really considered leaving Twitter. Did I want to have to see each one of the choices I made as a parent popping up, retweeted and retweeted again – when they were considered to be damaging, traumatizing and life altering to my children? Did I need that reminder every. single. day?
A year ago I would have left Twitter as I have so many message boards and other moms groups in the past. But this was a new year and I decided to really work through my thoughts and feelings about my parenting.

This is what I ended up with:
I love my children. I have given them the most of me I can each day. But each day that is a different amount. I am not perfect. I make the very best decisions with the information that I have in that present moment. I trust my instincts instead of rules. I try to parent honoring my children’s needs and my needs equally. I choose to believe that both of us as a unit need to make compromises and sacrifices for our relationship to work. But most of all, I love my children.

Feeling secure in my parenting is an ongoing journey. I admire those that feel they have it all together and never question their choices or actions – they have lucky kids! That’s not me and I’m ok with that…well most days. A few weeks ago, I opened my twitter page and saw a tweet about the evil that is the book Baby Wise. I thought back to 8 years remembering how much hope that book gave me – how it said everything I felt. It probably saved my son from a lot pain and abuse – as I had gotten so overwhelmed by not following my instincts that I had started having visions of throwing him against the wall. I am thankful for that book – but still have to be reminded every so often that “only selfish, uneducated parents” read THAT book. Ah, well…I have a ways to go…but am happy I had a good head start in 2009.

One of the biggest decisions I made in 2009 was to pursue a career being a doula. This decision has brought me a lot of peace. Even though I always knew I would be a stay at home mom if I had children, I have struggled not having a career. Over the last 10 years I have tried many different businesses and jobs and in the end none of them worked out – there was always a lack of passion. While I could love one aspect of doing a business, another aspect I would find too frustrating and throw in the towel. I was never willing to make the sacrifices either personally or in regards to my family to make it work…that is until now.
I am truly at peace when it comes to this work and while there are many challenges in taking on this role for laboring women, I can always find more reasons to overcome them then not do the job. When I finally made the decision and started taking steps to make it happen, I finally started experiencing what all the success books talk about. Attracting, intention, doing anything and everything…it all started happening and all started making sense. I felt like it was the Universe putting it’s seal of approval on my very good choice

What else…?

I tried to find some perspective in 2009. What really matters? If I died tomorrow, what would matter? If we (my family) all died tomorrow, what would matter? Of course this has to be within reason and reality…because hopefully none of us die anytime soon…so life still has to move forward – paying bills and having goals to work toward. But things like the messy house of toys – while I don’t like it…it’s under control enough that we can do a quick clean up before company comes in. If someone comes over unexpectedly…well they probably already know that the house is usually in disarray. Does it matter that the kids are usually in the pjs most days? Saves me on laundry and they know they have to wear nice clothes out…if they start asking to go out without changing…well then we might have to revise our standards, but so far it’s not been a problem. I have a lot of interests and I get most of my social needs from my online community…that takes time and so it’s pretty easy for me to put cleaning and other things in a secondary priority place. It actually drives me a bit bonkers when the house is in shambles, but I have had to find a level of balance and so when I start feeling frustrated, I just ask “would this matter if I wasn’t here tomorrow?”, most times it’s no…and once I am able to fulfill some other of my needs, I am happy to go and do the job that was making my brain go a little crazy. My hope is that as the kids grow older that we can find more effective tools in which to have them put away their things and that we all can work together to keep the house clean…but until then, watch your step!

Biggest lesson I learned in 2009:
I’m not perfect and it’s ok.

I know this seems obvious to most people (that we are not perfect) but being a first born and having a strong personality that expects myself to do everything I do perfectly the first time I do it…this has been a very difficult lesson for me to learn. I actually learned the bulk of this lesson at my three day doula training. I had to accept that I would make mistakes, that I wouldn’t have all the answers (when I needed them), and that it was ok – I still have something to offer and that even if one moment is not perfect, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t bring anything else to the table. Thankfully I have been able to bring this lesson into the other parts of my life and there is a deeper sense of calm within not having to always meet my sometimes overly high expectations.

Best day of 2009:
December 11, 2009

This day was our 10 year anniversary. While we didn’t do anything overly special to celebrate – we made it. Craig and I have had many things to learn about each other and we’ve had many difficult times when I didn’t think we would get to 2009…but we also had many wonderful times that reminded us of how much we love our family and each other. Learning how to love each other has been one of the greatest gifts of my life and I am thankful for each and everyday. Thank you, I love you forever.

I end of this year having just watched the movie UP. What a great summary of what I hope to be my life someday – opposites who love each other to the end, the gift of seeing the adventure in the everyday of our lives, knowing what’s important in life and to know that it’s never too late to make our dreams come true.

Cheers to what was a great 2009 and many dreams for 2010.