Natural Mom Loves Prada

For many of us today, pain is optional.
We don’t even need to know why we have the pain that we have, in most cases there is a way to make it go away, for at least 3 hours anyway.

I want to be a doula. I want to support and encourage women birthing their babies into the world. I believe that a big reason I have been drawn to pursue this line of work is because of my own experiences giving birth to my children. My natural births gave me two gifts each time.

The first gift was realizing my inner power. That I could feel pain tearing through my hips and running up my back, yet I lay there breathing a steady breath, hands relaxed, feet relaxed…just accepting that this is what needed to happen for me to meet my baby. I know I make it sound easy and mentally painless – it wasn’t. I cried so much during the birth of my 4th child that they offered me wine and wrote on my record “Shanta not coping well”.
I even thought about getting an epidural for my 3rd, 4th and 5th births – yup. I so much didn’t want to go through that pain again I started telling hubby that I was seriously considering it during the pregnancy of #5. He said “well, you can do whatever you want but I think you’ll regret it”. I looked at him and said “nope I really won’t.”
Society doesn’t place any importance on a natural birth experience, so why did I have to? Sure I knew all the reasons why I didn’t want to have interventions but I also had no desire to feel that pain again.
But I would accept the pain one more time. I planned a homebirth and started visualizing an awesome experience. Birth day was anything but usual and baby #5 was born in hospital, but I did feel the pain as nature had intended.
It’s not easy, it’s not fun – but I do believe that the gift you give yourself to allow your body to change, move and birth another being is one that empowers your spirit as a woman. I also believe that it’s a passage from being a woman to being a mother.

Gift number 2 is not one I have heard many women talk about, yet this is clearly a gift I have received with each of my children.
My labor experience with each of my children is like their first way of expressing their individuality. It’s like they are telling me “we have been together for 9 months. one being. two bodies. Now it’s time for me to be myself and this is your first glance to who I am going to be.”
Here is a snippet of those first moments.

Emma’s labor was textbook. Almost exactly 24 hours and textbook. Contractions started at 6am and slowing progressed in time and intensity for the next 24 hours. It was so easy that I didn’t know 100% that I was in labor when I got to the hospital. When they finally checked me I was 7cm and they quickly wheeled me into a delivery room.
It was like she knew that we had much heartache to come and came into the world very softly.
I want to believe that she would have been a very calm, observant baby and a child with spunk that made her irresistible. That is something we won’t ever know, but her labor was definitely the calm before the storm and definitely represents the spirit that we felt from her.

Cameron’s labor was slow, then REALLY intense and even though short in hours (4), felt soooo long.
I started laboring with him in church at 11am. Very small contractions, 10mins apart, not painful…just there every 10mins. I called my midwife and she came and we waited and we waited and we waited. Finally at 4:30 still every 10mins at the same intensity she left to go and get some extra supplies for the birth – obviously nothing was happening. Well at 5pm something happened. I had a contraction so big I had to sit down immediately and the next one was even bigger than the one before it. I started panicking – this was nothing like my first labor and I didn’t have time to mentally prepare for the strength of the next contraction.
I finally got into bed and lay there for the next 4 hours till he was born in our home.
Cameron is like this even now. Cameron is a cautious boy. He doesn’t like taking risks without knowing the outcome – which of course is no longer a risk. You are coasting along in life just hunky-dory and then he’ll start asserting his independence. He’ll decide that now he wants to do what you asked him weeks ago. There is a long lead up time for him to take action.

Zoe’s labor was unexpected.
I had contractions throughout the night with Zoe but I was still able to sleep and didn’t find it unusual as I had had quite a few long periods of strong braxon hicks during the pregnancy. I tried to relax as we had a big day ahead of us – moving to a new place. Craig was going to get the moving truck at 9am, so I needed to relax.
I went to the washroom and there was indication that something was happening. I called our midwife and she wanted to make sure I wasn’t in labor, so off we go to the hospital – our moving truck would have to wait.
At the hospital she confirmed that I was in labor. I looked at her “but we’re moving today”. Any day after today would have been fine…but today we were moving…
Not wrapping my mind around the idea that this was going to happen and that this baby was going to be born today – the day were moving, I asked about my pain relief options and she said “I know you don’t really want drugs, so lets just take it one step at a time”. I thought to myself “ok, that was a big fat no…what’s the next plan of action?”
I asked her to break my water – that was a no going back decision – it worked – I mentally focused and less than an hour later Zoe was born.
Zoe is our fun, flighty, not really paying attention to anyone or anything around her, totally focused on her whimsical world that she lives in. She still brings a fun unpredictability to our family – just like the day she was born.

Nyah’s labor felt especially long due to being tired. I went into labor around midnight before I had gotten any sleep. By the time my midwives showed up I was so tired that I cried and cried and cried. They would ask me to walk, I cried. They would tell me that it was important for my labor to progress, I cried. Finally they offered me the wine which I couldn’t really drink and I cried. The contractions were hard and I probably cried after most of them.
At one point I was laying in bed thinking, “I can’t do this, I’m too tired – I’m going to tell them I need to go to the hospital” and right at that moment they came in to set up their emergency equipment “sigh, too late”.
Finally at noon Nyah came into the world face up, in our home. After all the excitement died down my midwife came over and said “the baby came out with her face up, you must have been in a lot of pain, why didn’t you tell us” I don’t remember what I said, but I thought “well labor is painful and I was crying…”
Nyah is a child with an assertive personality many would classify as “strong willed”. And her labor was like her, a force. Nyah was an unplanned pregnancy which I had a difficult time accepting for several months and her labor was like her way of saying “you are going to love me” – and I did love her the moment she was born because the labor stopped. Nyah’s strong personality has taught me to be creative and steadfast – she has helped me to be better parent to all my other children.

Ella’s labor was a rollercoaster. I woke up and realized that something was happening, very likely I would go into labor that day. I called our midwife and she wanted to check what or if anything was changing. Excitement filled the air. Our baby was going to be here today and our last homebirth.
Well the excitement was short lived. We got to the office to find out that I was barely dilated and there was a lot more blood then they felt comfortable seeing. Ugh. Off to the hospital for a non-stress test.
The non-stress test was inconclusive because baby was so active they could not get a baseline heart rate. The doctor on call came in and abruptly told me that they had to break my water and possibly do a c-section.
I left the hospital in tears, emotional and having stronger contractions. My baby might be stressed, I might need a c-section…not the perfect day I had envisioned.
I got to the other hospital where my midwives were waiting for me and they continued the non-stress test – it was completely normal. By this time I had dilated and my contractions were long and hard. I can say with certainty that these were the most painful, inconsistent labor pains I had ever experienced. I cried after each one.
Emotionally I was tired from the drama of the day, disappointed that I was not in my own bed, and that my three other children were not able to be apart of this special moment.
I again asked about pain relief. She explained my options and said “but I know you’ve done this before, so I know you can do it” – so again I got my answer a big fat “no”. Again I asked for my water to be broken. This time it didn’t change my focus, but did make everything progress and 20 minutes later she was born looking up at the world like her sister.
Ella is also a strong willed child. She knows what she wants and very much expects to get it. She is also a child who feels her emotions 100%. We laugh all the time because when she is happy, she flops around like a fish out of water.
I suspect that the day she was born she knew that she was in for a new adventure and from what we saw on the first non-stress test, she was pretty happy about it!

My labor experiences remind me that uncomfortable situations or pain is often temporary. If we could see it as a time to learn more about ourselves, what we need physically, mentally and emotionally, we would likely uncover great revelations about our greatness.
Those times could teach us about our inner strength and resolve and how deep it runs. It might also teach us that strength comes from not only ourselves but from accepting support and guidance. I needed to have someone remind me that I could do it again and again and again.
They say “no pain, no gain” and I believe it.
Would I still know my children if I had not had them naturally? Of course. But it is an extra gift that I would never trade. Would I know how much inner strength and resolve I have under less than desirable circumstances? Maybe, maybe not. I’m thankful I do know.

I am looking forward to supporting other women experience their pain, and get past it to uncover what gifts lay waiting for them.