Oh my goodness, it seems like I have been away on vacation…but don’t be fooled – I’m just trying to juggle all the new things happening right now.
The kids are involved in more activities, I am starting to work (yipee – definitely not whining about that), am doing everything I can to get my website up and running, am still reading feverishly so that my doula certification can go a bit faster when I get started…all this in midst of trying to get some kind of educational thoughts and material into my kids brains, meals, cleaning and keeping all things in balance. I wouldn’t say I’m stressed because most of what I am doing, I am loving. I would say that I am on high alert and that a few of the lower priority balls I’ve been juggling have fallen to the ground…my little blog being one of them.
I guess one good thing about starting up my doula website is that all my birth junkie stuff will now be posted there – so for the majority of the people reading this that are not pregnant – hopefully more interesting info is on the horizon for you and for those of you who do like that info just click over to P.U.S.H. blog.
I was presented with a proposal this past week. A bigger than life proposal – well for me anyway…little stay at home mom with big doula dreams. I would say that the discussions are quite preliminary so I don’t want to say too much about the project at this time. What I do want to share is how even after we grow up and good things are happening – there is still that voice. The voice that, for some of us anyway started after the age of 7ish when we realized that other people had “better” things then we did, could do more things than we did, or the opposite, where you realize that your neighbor Suzy never gets a new bike and someone tells you at school that Jimmy is not cool. It’s just that voice that keeps asking “If they are…am I ‘fill in the blank’? or “If they’re not – am I ‘fill in the blank?’ – ANYWAY, you get the point…
For the last few days these types of thoughts have flooded my head as I try to determine if this is a good opportunity for me. “Am I good enough, do I know enough, can I juggle something else, who will take me seriously, why me?” I know that it’s just a voice, any reservations I have are my made up insecurities, not reality. But as I sit trying to process the magnitude of the project and if it’s the right step for me, I also am trying to quiet, ignore or figure out if that voice is telling something…ugh…I make myself tired.
I will try and pick up my dropped blog ball a bit more than I have in the last few weeks but this girl has big doula dreams – a girls gotta do, what a girls gotta do.
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tag: becoming Doula, being a blogger, life
One thing I have to share before starting this review is how fun it is to evaluate products. When I was picked to evaluate this one, I was only told it was cloth diapers and they wanted parents already using cloth diapers. My assumption was that it was going to be 1 or 2 AIO (all in ones) or something like that so I could just add to my current diapering system. So it was quite a surprise when a big box arrived in the mail instead of a manila envelope. All of sudden this became a very exciting moment!
We opened up the box to find 18 ORGANIC prefold diapers. Picture me now almost hyperventilating – ORGANIC, ORGANIC, ORGANIC, I chant in my head. When we finally chose to use prefolds for our cloth diapering system, I had considered buying organic, but they were $8 a diaper as compared to $2 for non-organic. That was an investment that I may have been willing to make if we were going to have more children, but that was not and still is not that the plan. I chose to be ok with helping the environment with not throwing hundreds of diapers into a landfill. (And I didn’t know about this kit when I was shopping for my diapers.)
Even though I knew what to do to prepare the diapers for use, I did my best to look at the material as though I was using these for the first time and found the instruction booklet very clear and easy to understand. It was informative and gave additional resources if you felt you needed more information. I felt like anyone could follow the directions and get the system going.
After washing the diapers 3 or 4 times, they were nice and thick. We use a different diaper for Ella’s night time sleep as she sleeps all night (most nights) but I feel comfortable that if she happened to go to bed with one of the organic prefolds that she would not wake up with a horrible rash or totally soaked. They were and have stayed thick and absorbent after all these months.
The package also came with 4 bummis covers. I don’t have much to say – they are great, cute and do their job! We bought the same covers for our system and paid in upwards of $15 each.
And last but not least the very most exciting part was finding out the price for this package – which is $160. This in my opinion is a deal and well worth it. The package came with the following:
18 organic prefold diapers (good for 3-4 days)
4 bummis covers
1 hanging bag to hold soiled diapers
1 roll of diaper liners to catch the poop
5 polyester liners (which are GREAT for night time diapers)
sample of bum bum ointment (which I have used before and loved)
If you are shopping for a cloth diapering system I would easily recommend this package and feel good that you are diapering your child naturally and helping the environment BIG TIME! Happy diaper changing!
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tag: bummis, cloth diaper starter kit, cloth diapers, natural diapering, organic prefolds
I am a funny kind of person. I often find myself in these strange moments of deciding one thing but wanting another. For example, I decided to be a stay at home mom but have also wanted to have some level of a career almost the entire time. My options are quite limited as I won’t not be a stay at home mom because I really want that for my children, BUT also can’t ignore the pull and cry inside to find something for myself. For so long I have been searching for the answer to “what will I do when I grow up”.
I have felt really good about my decision to be a doula and at this point can’t even think of any time I have thought “oh, but what about this scenario”. I know there will be challenges but none that seem to match the feeling of being able to support a new family at such a special time. Although this is easy to say when you are thinking in hypotheticals.
I met with a potential client tonight and it was just awesome. Even though I don’t know if they will choose me as their doula or not, I left knowing that this was exactly what I was meant to do. Where normally I would have anxiety, feel unprepared, feel like I don’t know enough, think that I talked too much or not about the right things, all things that at some level are true – in this moment, none of those things mattered for some reason – instead I could only feel confidence inside and just went with it even though that is a somewhat foreign feeling for me. Of course I would have a tinge of disappointment if they decided on someone else but no matter what they decide it was worth the time to have that moment – to realize that I was doing it almost effortlessly.
When you have searched so long for a hidden treasure, it can seem almost unimaginable that you would actually find it after all this time. But here I am, finally, knowing.
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tag: becoming Doula, being a stay at home mom, first doula clients, living your dream, living your passion, working mom, your purpose
Nyah: Mom, can I have a mustache?
Mom: No.
Nyah: Can I have a mustache with oils on my back?
Mom: No…do you mean a massage?
Nyah: Yeah a nassage.
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tag: cute things kids say, funny things kids say, saturday funnies
I wanted to start this new segment last week but could NOT if it it in!
Last week was a good week where I was able to put some doable routines in place while maintaining a good balance of kids, house, me, and other stuff. I’ve been focusing on all the things I do get done instead of what I don’t get done. I have tried to put in place some easy stategies to catch up on things that have gotten out of hand. An example of this would be our room/laundry. Our room is currently a forest of laundry, I hate to admit it but there are even a few trails. So to catch up I’ve been doing 2 loads of laundry a day. There are days when it seems that we make more laundry then I have washed but I carry on believing that one day I’ll go to fill up the basket and there won’t be anything to put in it.
I have also put a routine together for the kids to do their homeschool workbooks. The past two weeks have worked out well and we are usually done by 2 or 2:30 so I can have a few minutes to check emails, write a blog post (yeah, right) or read. I am feeling so much better about this area in our life and the kids also seem happier as they are stimulated and busy more of the day. Trying to become more involved in our homeschool group, I have offered to teach parents and kids how to cross stitch at one of our meets. I love cross stitching and DMC supplies free kits to cross stitchers who want to mentor new stitchers so this works out perfectly.
We recently started attending a new church and they have an awesome kids program. This past week Cameron and Zoe came home with take home sheets that had 4 activities for them to do during the week and if done, they get a ticket for a draw. We incorporated these activities into our homeschool time and it was exciting for them to see the boxes for their required activities be ticked everyday. This morning their tickets were complete. I was probably the most proud of Zoe who started the week very challenged with learning her memory verse and can now say it with no help at all.
To those in our “real life” it’s no secret that Craig and I have struggled financially most of our marriage. We’ve improved in this area a lot in the last 3 or 4 years but we still have moments and times when our bad habits creep back. Unfortunately this is one of those times. If we can keep it together for the next two weeks we should be able to get back on track, even with all the catch up we will need to do. I’ve been quite stressed out about our current situation and became even more so when I got a call Wednesday afternoon from the bank that it was likely that our bank card had been compromised. I went online to find that infact it had and $400 had been withdrawn the night before. My heart sank and literally panic set in. I wasn’t sure that the bank would replace the money. Already in the position of having to decided between buying food or paying bills, now it was possible that neither of those things would be possible. Thankfully the bank will replace it but the fear of that moment has renewed my resolve to manage our money better and start working toward a savings/emergency fund.
And in among all this stuff I call my life I am still working at my doula certification. I am currently reading The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer. My heart is ready to start taking clients so I really need to plan time to focus on getting the business “stuff” in place. A contract, a website and something I have been struggling to decide on, a name. I normally have an easy time of coming up with lots of ideas for names when I am creating a new business but this time, it’s tough. I want something that is fresh and that encourages all pregnant couples to consider the idea that a doula is an important part of their support team, regardless of the choices they will be making for their birth. I am accepting ideas… 
In the meantime, I think.
In a nutshell that is the week it has been. Life continues to move forward and I am thankful.
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tag: a sum up of the week, homeschooling mom, i love fridays, tgif, this is the week it has been, what happened this week
So today I started another blog. I am keeping it anonymous.
Natural Mom Loves Prada is fun and I like being able to write about everyday stuff and share the highs and lows of life but sometimes I have to censor my thoughts and feelings to not hurt those close to me. Namely my husband and parents. It’s not even that the issues I would write about have not been discussed and even resolved but are likely not issues they want me posting to my facebook page.
I wish I could invite you all to join me there, but I will just have to hope that in your blog travels that you find me…wherever that is…
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tag: anonymous blog
Confession #1:
One of my favorite movies: 300
Confession #2:
One of my favorite movies: Gone in 60 seconds
I am definitely a girl and like girly movies which I will share a different confession Tuesday. For some reason I feel cool when a typically “guy” movie becomes my favorite. Craig likes it too – he can only handle so much romance!
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tag: 300, does this make me cool?, favorite movies, gone in 60 seconds, guy movies
Craig and I just finished watching The Biggest Loser season premiere of season 8. I would say that it is in the top 10, maybe even top 5 of our favorite shows. I’ve actually always thought it was weird that we like the show so much as we are on the opposite side of the weight spectrum. We are both close to 6ft tall and I weigh around 120lbs and Craig 145lbs – definitely not in the overweight category. Perhaps tonight I got my answer…the human spirit.
This year they have a contestant, Abby, who lost her husband, 5 year old daughter and 2 week old son when a drunk driver hit them. You definitely don’t have to have the experience of losing someone for that to be shocking and likely one of the most sad things anyone can ever imagine. I can’t even write it without tears welling up. She is a testament of how unbelievably strong the human spirit is.
After the show was done, I was still teary and this is what I shared with Craig:
“When you take the kids out, I think about that every single time. It’s like I am just waiting for each of you to be taken from me. Like it is inevitable.”
I don’t really know if it’s normal to feel that way when you lose a child or spouse. It’s not something I have ever shared with anyone.
If the baby sleeps longer than normal, I take a deep breath before going over to the crib or opening my eyes. If Craig is late and hasn’t called, I don’t call him scared that he won’t pick up the phone. When the kids are riding their bikes on the sidewalk around the “after school” hours and lots of buses and cars are zooming by far above the speed limit, I think, if I go to them and they are alive, what will my last words be to them?
Until today, I just felt it. I accepted it as part of my journey of losing Emma. A part of me was thankful that very few moments are taken for granted. But tonight, I feel deep sorrow that I wait, praying that today will not be the day I have to be strong enough to let one or more of the 5 people I love most in the world go and accept it, again. Even though I push the thoughts out of my mind when I think them, they are always there, I am always waiting.
In the show, Abby shared that “every morning, I decide to get out of bed” and in a different way I can relate. She has to decide to get out of bed because she has lost those she loved most. I on the other hand have to decide to get out of bed hoping that today, I don’t lose mine.
It’s the human spirit that allows us both to wake up and put our feet on the ground and face all that the day has to share with us, whatever that might be.
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tag: abby from the biggest loser, biggest loser, infant loss, loss
